True Pleasure Vs False Pleasure

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Last week I spent the week with an amazing bunch of people, redoing my NLP practitioner course (and no, not because I failed the first time!) with one of my very first coaches, and now close friend, Peter Shaw. I’ve spoken about Peter before here, because I freaken love this guy! He gets me thinking about perspectives I’ve never even considered ~ never even knew were possible ~ and has consequently changed the way I view the world, myself, and the people around me, for the better (well, most of the time….)

A large portion of the course is looking at our beliefs, decisions and emotions and getting an understanding on how they limit us. So many of us are completely unaware that ALL our beliefs and decisions were simply a choice we made at some stage of our life, and yet we live as if they are fact. They govern how we feel, how we act, how we interact, how we love, how successful we are. They determine how we do everything. 

Even when a certain belief, or set of beliefs, does not serve or support us in living the life we want, we fight to hang on to it~ But this is just the way I am. What will I do without it? I can’t just let it go, I don’t know who I am without it ~

We get stuck in our comfort zone. Even though we aren’t happy, we know this place, and so it feels safe. That new space, on the other side, is unknown. That is scary. We must avoid it.

But it’s only when we can acknowledge and accept the uncertainty, that we can push outside our comfort zone, to the other side.

This is where change happens ~ where growth occurs and where your dreams and desires become reality.

This is your next step towards the life you’ve been longing for. Your next level. It’s incredibly exciting and inspiring and energising, but it takes your willingness to look at, and challenge, everything you thought was real up to now. You need to be willing to let go of those old ways (which make you feel trapped, constricted and like a failure anyway. Just saying…) to make way for the new, for the next thing. 

Are you game to start right now? 

Today, I want you to challenge your beliefs around the role of pleasure in your life, and specifically, in your health and weight loss efforts. 

You probably already know that pleasure is what gets you into trouble. Pleasure is the enemy, the thing to be avoided at all costs. It’s what makes you gain weight, become lazy, unmotivated, slovenly.

But what if what you know, is not actually true? What is there’s a different perspective here? What if what you’re thinking about is not actually pleasure, but punishment, disguised as pleasure? Or restriction fighting back?

Uh oh, mind blown. I know, right?!?!

You may not know this, but there are 2 types of pleasure; true, or real, pleasure and false pleasure.

True pleasure is something that feels good whilst your experiencing it, right after you’ve experienced it, and still feels good at any time into the future.

False pleasure is something you think feels good now, but feels kinda crappy immediately after ~ usually accompanied by guilt, criticism, shame and judgement ~ and feels yucky into the future too.

Eating that whole block of chocolate might feel good at the time, but it’s not long afterwards that you feel sick, and disgusted in yourself. Then, a few days later, when you think back to eating the whole block, again you feel badly about it.

Contrast that to eating a fresh, cold mango on a hot summers day. It feels so delicious at the time; the juice running down your chin, the sun shining on your face, the sweetness of the flesh as you savour it. Once you’ve finished eating it, you feel so good; energised, refreshed and happy. And as you go into your future, any time you think back to that event, you feel the deliciousness of the experience all over again. That is true pleasure.

To give you a non-food example, think about having deeply connected, sensual, playful sex with someone you care for, who loves and respects you and your body. Amazing at the time, amazing right after you finish, and even more amazing when you think about it later (as I write this, I’m reminded of a certain sexual experience, and it still makes me feel excited and turned on just thinking about it, even years later!). Serious true pleasure here.

Now, compare that with sleeping with someone you know is not good for you, who feels untrustworthy and like he’s just in it for himself. Even if you orgasm, you feel pretty yucky about it afterwards, and berate yourself for going there (again!) when you know he leaves you feeling like shit. 

True pleasure fills you up

As you begin, or continue, your journey into pleasure, you want to call in all those true pleasures in your life, as often as possible. True pleasures won’t you into trouble. These won’t cause you to gain weight, and become lazy or unmotivated.

True pleasures fill you up. They make your life sweet, worth living, and worth enjoying. They will take away your need to binge, and punish yourself through food and drink (and drugs, and sex, and anything else done excessively)

True pleasure is the path to the live you desire. Are you ready to allow it in?

  • What is the most pleasurable thing you’ve eaten today?
  • What have you been thinking is pleasure, but was actually punishment in disguise? 

Love,

Brooke xox

Does this all seem too scary, or too unlikely, to work for you?

A delightfully different approach to weight loss, health & happiness is on it’s way.

If you are ready to learn exactly how to use pleasure to achieve your ideal body and your ultimate life; if you want a step-by-step program to support you in calling your pleasure back, and an incredible group of women to journey alongside of, sign up below to make sure you’re keep in the loop. You do not want to miss this!

Launching August 15th, 2015

I’m ready for more pleasure! Add me to the list

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Have You Pleasured Yourself Today?

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Be honest now. How many of you thought I was talking about masturbation just now?

So often when I tell people I work in the field of pleasure, eyebrows raise, people get silly, nervous, embarrassed and always make some comment in relation to sex.

Since when did pleasure = sex? Sex is one of the great pleasures, yes, but pleasure does not equal sex, and sex does not equal pleasure. In fact, for the majority of women, sex is anything but pleasurable.

The word pleasure comes from the Old French word plaisir which means to please.

When I ask if you’ve pleasured yourself today, I want to know if you’ve done anything today that pleases you. Take a moment and just think about that. What have you done today, just because it pleases you? Is there anything?  What about this week? This month? This year? Anything? Or are you just hearing crickets?

Maybe you thought Yes, I went to the gym. That pleases me, that makes me feel good. This may be the case, but let me ask you something: did you go to the gym because you actually like it; because it truly gives you pleasure and you like doing it OR did you go because it’s what you’ve been told you need to do to lose weight and have the body you want, and so you think it gives you pleasure because you think it will give you what you desire? Do you actually enjoy the process of going to the gym, or are you just addicted to the endorphins? *** more crickets ***

Not sure? If I said to you right now, Let’s go to the gym, how would you react? Do you get excited and leap out of your chair and say YES! Let’s do it! and race me out the door? Or do you feel the resistance rise up inside you, or a knot, or heaviness inside your belly with one thought permeating through every cell of your being ~ Dear God, no, don’t make me go.

So let me ask you again ~ Have you pleasured yourself today?

Pleasure is such a foreign concept to us women, and in our society, that you may not even be able to tell me the last true pleasure you experienced (and no, that whole block of chocolate does not count as pleasurable. You did not feel pleasure once the wrapper was empty and you felt sick, nauseous, sugar-high along with the guilt, shame and judgement of yourself for having done so). There may be nothing pleasurable back as far as you can remember. Pleasure, who has time for pleasure? I’m so busy with blah blah blah. Maybe a part of you feels you don’t deserve pleasure. That you’re not good/pretty/successful/smart/sexy/thin enough to have pleasure in your life. Maybe you just don’t even know how important, and imperative, pleasure is to your life, to your happiness, to your waistline and to your health.

Pleasure is everything

As women, we have been taught we have to look after everyone else first; make sure all their needs are tended to, and then, and only then, if there are any crumbs left, do we get to have something for ourself.

You need to unlearn this. You need to start putting yourself first. Stop putting your life on hold any longer. You cannot be of service to anyone else when you are so depleted.

Want to make a difference in the world? Want to be the best mother, wife, partner, lover, friend you can be? Then you have to make sure you get what you need first. When your needs are taken care of, when your tank has been filled and is constantly replenished, you have endless energy, compassion and love to share with others. You can give without expectation of return, because nothing you do comes with strings attached. You do it because you feel just so darn good that you can’t not share that with the world. You let go of unrealistic expectations of others because you have already filled all the gaps. Other people can’t disappoint you, they are just free to be themselves and to love you.

This is your job, your work.

You have to look after your own pleasure every single day. Every moment of every day. It’s not up to someone else to do it for you (how long have you been waiting for that to happen? And how is that working out for you?). If someone else is providing your pleasure ~ while you may enjoy it at the time ~ you live in constant fear that they will take it away, and you are powerless to stop them doing so. When it comes from you, no one, no matter how gorgeous or powerful they are, can change that.

Allowing yourself pleasure can be scary at first ~ you will have a myriad of excuses about why you can’t/don’t deserve/don’t have time for it. Recognise those. Acknowledge them and ask yourself Is that really true? Is there any situation where I can/where I do deserve it/where I do have time for it? And then ask yourself the golden questions ~

How can I experience pleasure in this moment?

How can I make this more pleasurable for me?

~ and just do that. Pleasure doesn’t have to be a huge, outlandish expression (although it can be and if that’s what you are feeling, then go for it!) It can be as simple as sitting outside to eat your lunch, playing your favourite music when doing your taxes, eating your dinner by candlelight or wearing your sexiest-date-night-only underwear to work.

Start to look at where you can inject pleasure throughout your day and sprinkle that shiz from morning till night. Do it as if your life depends on it……because honey, it does.

Love

Brooke xox

PS ~ Do you find it hard to take on what i’m saying here? You’re not alone, this is the opposite of everything you’ve ever been told about being a woman, about life, about happiness, health and weight loss, so it makes sense you’d have some resistance. But how long will you keep hitting your head against the same brick wall and expecting a different result? It’s time for a new approach ~ one that aligns with you as a woman, and can truly facilitate you living the life that you know is possible, but just haven’t been able to crack yet.

A new approach is coming.

Launching August 15th 2015, More Fun Less Fat will challenge and change everything you ever believed about your body, your worth, your life and your happiness. It’s time to end the struggle once and for all. It’s your time.

If you’re not already on the list, enter your details below so you don’t miss the juiciness

Yes! I’m ready to end my struggle for good

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Why Your Weight Loss Efforts Fail….. and What To Do Instead

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You know the drill – you start a new diet and/or exercise plan with the best intentions ~ you will go to the gym, even though you hate it, because that’s what you have to do to lose weight. You’ll stop eating those things you love, because they have way to many calories for the body you want. You will go to bed early so it’s easy for you to wake up for the gym tomorrow morning. You will say no to more social invitations so you aren’t tempted to stray off your plan. You will be really, really good, and really, really strict, and in a little while (weeks, months, years) you’ll finally look the way you want to look.

And it goes well, really well actually ……… for about a week. Then you’re not really sure what happens but you find yourself bent over a nearly empty packet of chocolate or biscuits/tub of ice cream/bottle of wine, completely powerless to stop until it’s all gone.

Ever the positive and committed woman you are, you decide it’s not all lost, you’ll just tighten up everything tomorrow ~ you’ll go to the gym before and after work and train really hard. You’ll take a laxative to get that junk out of your body and you’ll reduce your calories. If you do that for the rest of the week, you’ll be right back on track.

But tomorrow night, the same thing happens again. And again the following night, and the one after that, and the one after that.

You really do want to lose this weight ~ you’re willing to try anything ~ so why are you so powerless to stop these actions that will inevitably sabotage everything you’re working so hard for?

Something’s missing here ~ clearly this approach does not work, and yet you keep going back to it. Like an addict to his crack, you tell yourself this time will be better, you will be better. 

I want to let you in on a little secret ~ Traditional weight loss efforts don’t work.

Yes, they may work short term ~ anyone can do anything for a few days, for a week, a month, but eventually they’ll fail you and send you running off to find the next big thing in weight loss, fitness and health. 

Know how I know they don’t work?

If they did, there would only be one weight loss/fitness/health program in the world, and everyone would be on that one. There would be no need for any others, because we’d already have the one that works. Instead, we have hundreds, maybe thousands. or even millions, of different plans promising you the world, but delivering the same experience you’ve already had from all the ones that came before.

So what’s the problem here? Why don’t these work? Why can’t you ever stick to any one of these, regardless of how committed you are?

Traditional weight loss methods are all based around hard work, restriction and deprivation. You have to cut out most, if not all, the things you love, to achieve a result. You can no longer have those foods or drinks you love ~ instead, you’re munching on boring, bland or just plain yuck, foods (I’m sorry, but kale chips taste, and smell, like crap!). You have to work really hard, punishing training your body in ways you don’t love just to get that big calorie burn ~ not enough calories burnt in yoga, or swimming, so you have to join a gym and work out on machines, even though you hate gyms and you love yoga and swimming. You can’t drink, so you stop going out socially, because it’s too hard and too tempting. 

Add to that the fact your clothes are old, uncomfortable and unflattering (because you want to wait until you’ve lost weight before you buy yourself something new), your sex life is non-existent (because you don’t want to be seen naked right now), your job is shitty (because you don’t have the confidence to ask for a raise/better conditions/a promotion/your dream job) and you don’t really have any friends (because you don’t want to be out socially and meeting new people since you don’t have anything to wear and you don’t think anyone will want to be friends with the fat girl) and your life basically sucks.

Your whole life is devoid of fun, enjoyment and excitement. It’s about as bland and uninspiring as the food you’re forcing yourself to eat.

Pleasure is your female body’s oxygen ~ it is her life force, her native language. She simply cannot live, and thrive, without it. 

This lifestyle of restriction denies her pleasure. You are starving her of the very thing she needs to thrive, of her oxygen.

In this lifestyle, the only source of pleasure you have is food, and so, when you have that one piece of chocolate, she perks up and reacts, ravaging all of it because she doesn’t know when her next hit will be. She acts exactly how you would if you were kept captive and hadn’t been feed for an extended period of time.

So you see, the answer isn’t about having less pleasure ~ it’s about having more. It’s not one of restriction, but one of abundance. 

When she (your female body) is continually and consistently being flooded with pleasure ~ in all forms and for all her senses ~ she has no need to binge and gorge on food. She is filled up. She can enjoy each moment, experiencing the pleasure available to her in those moments, and can eat and drink in appropriate amounts for her.

This approach is simple, but it can be hard to adopt it and trust in it. It’s hard to go against everything you’ve ever been told about weight loss, health and fitness. I’m talking about generations upon generations of women, continually forcing an approach that doesn’t work, that fails them time and time again, that leaves them feeling worthless, useless and disgusting, even though they feel, they know, deep down inside that there has to be a better way; that there’s more to life than calorie counting and treadmills. 

There is. And on August 15th, I’m going to show it to you. Make sure you’re on the list to get all the juicy goss ~

Add me to the list – I’m ready for a better way!

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#ThePleasureRevolution is coming – a radical approach to weight loss, health and happiness | no calorie counting, restriction or deprivation required #MoreFunLessFat #nothingyoudontwanttodo