One of the common threads I see in all the women I work with (and, in fact, in nearly all the women I come into contact with in general) is the underlying belief that they are “not good enough”.
This nasty little core belief can have far reaching consequences in all areas of their life; it fires off when they are getting near their goal weight and causes them to binge eat, not exercise, or make some other decision that will stall, or reverse the results they’ve achieved so far.
It speaks up when their relationship is going “too well” with an amazing man and makes them pick fights, shut down, withhold sex, or do something even more drastic to create a breakdown in the relationship, such as sleeping with someone else.
When their career, or business, is going amazingly they make some silly decisions that impact great opportunities; maybe they fail to prepare for an important meeting or interview, and consequently blow it, or they become lazy and fail to take action when necessary.
When we come from a place of “not enough” we are going to display self sabotaging behaviours.
We don’t back ourselves. We don’t ask for what we need. We doubt other’s intentions. We doubt our own abilities. We don’t go for the things we want. We live in fear and doubt and wear ourselves out trying to prove ourselves.
It takes work to change your beliefs.
Your beliefs live in your unconscious mind, and so to successfully and permanently change them, you need to do work on the unconscious level. For this, you generally need to work with someone trained in that area. But there is something you can do for yourself, starting right now.
What if you were enough?
Ask yourself, “What if I were enough? Who would I be then? How would I behave? What decisions would I make? How would my life be different?”
Dig deep and answer these questions from your heart – from that place inside of you that’s always known you are enough, even if you don’t seem to remember – and then start to act AS that person. Make decisions as that person who knows she’s enough. Be courageous. Speak up. Ask for what you want and go after it. Relentlessly.
You’ve got this.
One of the BEST pieces of advice I’ve received around health and eating is to be a flexitarian – adopting this ideology has shifted so much for me, and completely transformed my relationship with food!
I used so be SUPER strict; following this diet, or that diet, and I hear this all the time from the women I work with – I’m paleo. I’m a raw foodie. I Zone. I’m vegan. I’m vegetarian. I don’t eat carbs. I don’t eat sugar.
There are so many different modalities available, and they all have their benefit, but what I see ALWAYS as the constant thread amongst all of these eating systems is that they ALL lead to binge eating in some form. Yes. ALL OF THEM.
When we rigidly adhere to any one ideal, we create stress in the body and the mind. We’re constantly telling ourselves “I can’t eat that. I’m not allowed to eat that” and this fuels our desire for that thing even more. We become obsessed, constantly consumed by thoughts of food and eating, until eventually we can’t take it anymore, we lose all control and the binge begins.
Another thing that happens when we strongly identify with one particular ideal; such as “I am vegan” or “I do paleo”, is that we become closed off and unable to see signs that our body is telling us about something we may be lacking, or something that may not be serving us.
If we’ve been strongly identified with being a vegan, we may miss our body’s cries for protein, and continue to lose muscle, not recover well from our exercise or get constantly sick.
If we call ourselves paleo eaters, we may miss the signs our body is struggling with higher quantities of fat and protein, or going without starches (such as if you are going to the bathroom, and your waste is super runny, smelly and it takes 3 flushes to clear the toilet bowl! This is NOT how it’s supposed to be people!!!)
Now, I’m not saying being vegan, or paleo, is bad; they both can provide incredible benefits BUT they may not be suitable for you, through various times and stages of your life.
Being a flexitarian means you follow what works for you in this moment, in this life stage, without rigidly identifying with that particular way of eating. It means being open to the messages your body is telling you every day, about what she needs, and responding accordingly. It means feeling in to what serves you best in the moment.
Feel like you need a vegetarian day, or week? Go for it. Feel like your body needs some meat? Fire up that barbie. Finding it hard to get in enough fuel, and your muscles aren’t recovering well? Cook up some rice and eat that with your meal. Feeling like you need something warm and substantial for breakfast in winter? Get yourself a big bowl of porridge and nourish yourself.
NONE of these make you a bad person. None will make you fat, ALL will nourish your body and give her what she needs to perform, and look, her best.
Life is meant to be enjoyed – FOOD is meant to be enjoyed. Release yourself from the shackles of rigidity around your food. Your body, and your soul will thank you for it. Promise.
I know you’re on your journey towards the best version of you; healthy, vibrant, energetic, happy, calm, loving, accepting.
You’re working your little tush off to get yourself to the place where you can finally love and accept yourself. Where you can be happy to look in the mirror, or see photos of yourself. That place where you are that fun loving, social, adventurous woman, who says yes to life, yes to dating, yes to sex, to opportunities, to explorations. That woman who is not held back in any way, not by her body, not by her mind, not by her fear or uncertainty.
This is SO important to you! You put in so much time, effort and energy, pushing yourself, being strict with yourself and reprimanding yourself when you slip up.
You restrict yourself, deprive yourself, punish yourself. You have to be hard on yourself or you’ll never get there. That’s how you have to do this, right?
Find out why this journey can never get you where you want to go, and what you must do instead, by checking out my quick video below.
What can you change in your journey, starting today, so that it more closely resembles the destination you are aiming for?