Be honest now. How many of you thought I was talking about masturbation just now?
So often when I tell people I work in the field of pleasure, eyebrows raise, people get silly, nervous, embarrassed and always make some comment in relation to sex.
Since when did pleasure = sex? Sex is one of the great pleasures, yes, but pleasure does not equal sex, and sex does not equal pleasure. In fact, for the majority of women, sex is anything but pleasurable.
The word pleasure comes from the Old French word plaisir which means to please.
When I ask if you’ve pleasured yourself today, I want to know if you’ve done anything today that pleases you. Take a moment and just think about that. What have you done today, just because it pleases you? Is there anything? What about this week? This month? This year? Anything? Or are you just hearing crickets?
Maybe you thought Yes, I went to the gym. That pleases me, that makes me feel good. This may be the case, but let me ask you something: did you go to the gym because you actually like it; because it truly gives you pleasure and you like doing it OR did you go because it’s what you’ve been told you need to do to lose weight and have the body you want, and so you think it gives you pleasure because you think it will give you what you desire? Do you actually enjoy the process of going to the gym, or are you just addicted to the endorphins? *** more crickets ***
Not sure? If I said to you right now, Let’s go to the gym, how would you react? Do you get excited and leap out of your chair and say YES! Let’s do it! and race me out the door? Or do you feel the resistance rise up inside you, or a knot, or heaviness inside your belly with one thought permeating through every cell of your being ~ Dear God, no, don’t make me go.
So let me ask you again ~ Have you pleasured yourself today?
Pleasure is such a foreign concept to us women, and in our society, that you may not even be able to tell me the last true pleasure you experienced (and no, that whole block of chocolate does not count as pleasurable. You did not feel pleasure once the wrapper was empty and you felt sick, nauseous, sugar-high along with the guilt, shame and judgement of yourself for having done so). There may be nothing pleasurable back as far as you can remember. Pleasure, who has time for pleasure? I’m so busy with blah blah blah. Maybe a part of you feels you don’t deserve pleasure. That you’re not good/pretty/successful/smart/sexy/thin enough to have pleasure in your life. Maybe you just don’t even know how important, and imperative, pleasure is to your life, to your happiness, to your waistline and to your health.
Pleasure is everything
As women, we have been taught we have to look after everyone else first; make sure all their needs are tended to, and then, and only then, if there are any crumbs left, do we get to have something for ourself.
You need to unlearn this. You need to start putting yourself first. Stop putting your life on hold any longer. You cannot be of service to anyone else when you are so depleted.
Want to make a difference in the world? Want to be the best mother, wife, partner, lover, friend you can be? Then you have to make sure you get what you need first. When your needs are taken care of, when your tank has been filled and is constantly replenished, you have endless energy, compassion and love to share with others. You can give without expectation of return, because nothing you do comes with strings attached. You do it because you feel just so darn good that you can’t not share that with the world. You let go of unrealistic expectations of others because you have already filled all the gaps. Other people can’t disappoint you, they are just free to be themselves and to love you.
This is your job, your work.
You have to look after your own pleasure every single day. Every moment of every day. It’s not up to someone else to do it for you (how long have you been waiting for that to happen? And how is that working out for you?). If someone else is providing your pleasure ~ while you may enjoy it at the time ~ you live in constant fear that they will take it away, and you are powerless to stop them doing so. When it comes from you, no one, no matter how gorgeous or powerful they are, can change that.
Allowing yourself pleasure can be scary at first ~ you will have a myriad of excuses about why you can’t/don’t deserve/don’t have time for it. Recognise those. Acknowledge them and ask yourself Is that really true? Is there any situation where I can/where I do deserve it/where I do have time for it? And then ask yourself the golden questions ~
How can I experience pleasure in this moment?
How can I make this more pleasurable for me?
~ and just do that. Pleasure doesn’t have to be a huge, outlandish expression (although it can be and if that’s what you are feeling, then go for it!) It can be as simple as sitting outside to eat your lunch, playing your favourite music when doing your taxes, eating your dinner by candlelight or wearing your sexiest-date-night-only underwear to work.
Start to look at where you can inject pleasure throughout your day and sprinkle that shiz from morning till night. Do it as if your life depends on it……because honey, it does.
PS ~ Do you find it hard to take on what i’m saying here? You’re not alone, this is the opposite of everything you’ve ever been told about being a woman, about life, about happiness, health and weight loss, so it makes sense you’d have some resistance. But how long will you keep hitting your head against the same brick wall and expecting a different result? It’s time for a new approach ~ one that aligns with you as a woman, and can truly facilitate you living the life that you know is possible, but just haven’t been able to crack yet.
A new approach is coming.
Launching August 15th 2015, More Fun Less Fat will challenge and change everything you ever believed about your body, your worth, your life and your happiness. It’s time to end the struggle once and for all. It’s your time.
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