Beautiful women, you know we are different from men, right?
We look different. We have different challenges, fears, strengths and weaknesses. We have different roles to play in this world. Our bodies are different. Our desires are different. Chemically, hormonally and metabolically we are put together differently. We are, in fact, so different that it can actually help to think of us as two completely different species.
What works for men doesn’t work for us
~ generally speaking. Of course there will always be exceptions to the rule, but that’s a whole different blog post for another day ~
Let me say that again, because I know I forget this often…..
What works for men doesn’t work for us
Stop hitting your head against a wall.
Stop trying to force yourself into a man-shaped hole that cannot possibly hold the complete woman you are; that doesn’t take into account all your incredible, unique, female needs.
Please. Stop it.
You don’t have to “man-up” to accomplish the things you want. To do so is to go against everything that fuels you, feeds you and fills you up, and almost always guarantees failure.
The most common place I see this happening is around women’s bodies;
You are unhappy with your body, and so you do the things you’ve been told will change that – you restrict the food you eat, you deprive yourself of all the things you love and you beat your body up through intense exercise that you don’t particularly like, but you know gets results…..now, you can get results this way, but eventually something breaks.
Deprived of joy and pleasure, you end up bingeing on the foods or drinks you’ve been told are bad. Tired, stiff and sore you stop exercising because what you are doing is too hard. Or you just don’t like it. Or you’ve injured yourself and can’t do anything. Then you feel shitty about yourself because, again, you’ve failed. You aren’t good enough to even stick to your plan when everyone else seems to be able to. You are destined to be fat, alone and unhappy.
You know all to well where this path leads ~ criticism, judgment, self-hatred ~ more restriction, more deprivation ~ more “failure” ~ more self-hatred, more criticism, more judgment. ~ Rinse and repeat ~
This path of restriction and deprivation is the masculine path and it just doesn’t work for us girls. Not long term.
Yes, you can change your body doing the above (if you can stick to it) ~ I know, I did it for most of my life ~ but at some stage, it will fail.
At my leanest I was 13% body fat, abs for days, and the tightest arse you’ve ever felt. The fact I still had my period surprises me. Yet, I was unhappy.
I had a body most people would kill for and I was uncomfortable in it, and unhappy with it
I hated being out socially as someone would always comment on some part of me, leaving me self conscious. Eating out was a nightmare as there were so many things I wouldn’t let myself eat or drink. It pissed off my closest friends, and eventually I just avoided it altogether. Besides, it was easier to stay home as I had to be up early tomorrow to train anyway…
My body was broken ~ I was stiff, sore and injured every day. I was spending hundreds of dollars each and every week on massage, chiro and physio, just so I could go back into the gym and beat my body up a little more, to try and make it even more “perfect”.
There was no fun or pleasure in my life, just me, forcing more and more and more, forcing myself to be better, forcing my body to conform.
I remember being so disconnected from my body and her needs that I didn’t even know what it felt like to be hungry ~ I would always just eat by the clock, 3 hours after I’d last eaten.
I had no idea what she liked to be fed, or what she performed well on ~ I just told her what she’d be eating, and how much and made her eat it.
I didn’t know how she liked to move ~ I just made her do all the things I’d been told (from my numerous male mentors, coaches and friends) would get a result.
Our bodies are so different from a man’s body. We cannot force them, punish them, beat up on them and expect them to turn around and give us what we want.
Imagine if you had a friend who you treated as poorly as you do your body ~ never letting her have any fun, constantly criticising her, putting her down, telling her how ugly she is, making her do things she hates and that hurt her ~ do you think she’d stick around very long? Do you think she’d have any inclination to do anything nice for you? Ever?
The body you want, and the relationship you want with her, is available to you the moment you stop telling her what she has to do, and start listening to what she’s telling you she needs.
All those things you love ~ running on the beach, yoga, dancing, surfing, bushwalking, swimming ~ are the things she needs.
~ Juicy, raw conversations with women who see you, delicious meals shared with loved ones, sex, bubble baths, physical touch, drawing, painting, pottery, singing, wandering bare foot in nature ~ these are all part of her primal need to connect with others and with the Earth around her, to experience pleasure and to create.
When she is filled up with these needs, she no longer needs to seek pleasure and grounding through excessive food.
Rather than restrict the pleasure in your life, ramp it up.
Have your days be so exquisitely filled with pleasure, there is no room for self-hatred, doubt or fear to creep in.
Stop working so hard. Start having fun. Start indulging in your pleasures daily. You might be pleasantly surprised what happens with your body when you do.
What are three ways you will bring more pleasure into your life this week?
What have you been doing that doesn’t bring you any pleasure?
Knowing what you know now, what are you going to do instead?